I didn’t get a salad. I got fried chicken..
—Shit I Heard In the Office
The Penguin Cam is my favorite thing in life right now.
Dear Case,
Today I ate 2 cheese sticks, a banana, 7 chicken wings, a container of blackberries, a banana, a Clif bar, and 3 mini Twix.
Just thought you should know.
Love, Rox
Dear Case,
Today my morning task has been to sit at Tekserve, awaiting a repair. Everyone is sleeping around me. It looks like this old man is asleep while riding a motorcycle in a store. How irresponsible!
A concerned citizen, Roxanne
Dear Case:
I want the following at the moment, as we discussed previously:
- Cheddar Cheese
- To go to the gym
- An Apple
- Cheddar Cheese and an Apple
- Dollar Pizza
- Sex
- Not Cheddar Cheese and Dollar Pizza
It seems like I just ate the Cheddar Cheese stick, so I guess no Dollar Pizza today. How about grilled cheese??
Honestly, I don’t know why you put up with me.
Love, R
Edit: I ate a whole burrito and already regret it.
Shit You Hear Around the Office
Dear Case,
Despite the fact that this office is usually quiet, these are common sounds/sayings heard throughout the day in the office:
“so, how long do you think it’ll take to do this thing that we’ve never done before?”
“why is the internet down? we’re a goddamn internet company!”
“ok who made the coffee this morning? It’s terrible…” [not relevant anymore]
“it is what it is”
[[knock knock]] “U.P.S.!”
“oh god, he’s about to use the microwave! NOOOO!”
**type…type…type** **giggle giggle** **type-type-type-type-type** HAHAHAHA!
“do you smell gas? should we leave? probably not… yeah, we’re fine”
“what does your company name even mean?” “um, i have no idea…”
“what happened to the ketel one?!?”
“god these elevators suck! it’s the f***ing 21st century for cryin’ out loud”
“ATTENTION: THIS IS JUST A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY FIRE ALARM - TESTING, 1…2…3…4…5……6” [[BOOOOOOOOOP! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!]]
[[seltzer-maker farting noise]] [[fart fart fart]]
“WTF, why is it so hot in here?”
“9TH FLOOR — GOING DOWN” (in sad voice)
“Guys, there’s beer in the conference room, if anyone wants any beer? Beer in the conference room. Beer? If anyone wants…”
[[MEOW]]
-T
Dear Case,
This is a rough approximation of what my true form appears as.
Word. -R
Dear Roxanne,
Gnaw on that.
Best Regards,
Case
Dear Case,
I really want to jam out to Kansas and Meatloaf right now, but our office is so quiet. Everyone hates fun.
Questioningly yours,
Rox
Dear Case,
Why did the J train skip my stop four times this morning, making me wait outside for an hour in 12 degree weather?
Love, Rox
